AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. TAKING PICTURES -- I HATE HAVING MY PICTURE TAKEN SO THE PRE-MATCH PICTURE IS ALWAYS MY LEAST FAVORITE PART OF EVERY GAME!!!!!!!!!! AND DON'T SAY MY NEW HAIRCUT LOOKS LIKE NEYMAR'S!!!!!!!!! I DOUBT HE BURNED THE SIDES OF HIS HEAD IN A VIOLENT AIR FRESHENER EXPLOSION SO JUST STOP TALKING AND TAKE THE PICTURE ALREADY!!!!!!! TAKE IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. REAL BETIS' COMICAL MISSES -- IF I SLEPT I WOULD HAVE DREAMS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT AFTER THE THIRD MISS A PTERODACTYL WOULD SWOOP DOWN AND BREATHE ASBESTOS ON EVERYONE AND THEN BITE AN OLD MAN IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH WHY DO MY DREAMS NEVER COME TRUE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
3. BORUSSIA DORTMUND'S WELCOME VIDEO FOR ARSENAL -- I MAKE WELCOME VIDEOS FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF FIORENTINA'S OPPONENTS!!!!!!!!! THEY CONSIST OF ME HEADBUTTING MY LAWN FOR AN HOUR AND THEN SCREAMING CAKE RECIPES INTO THE CAMERA!!!!!!!!!! THE CLUB HAS YET TO PUT ANY OF THEM ON YOUTUBE THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- IT'S THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN CORN STARTS TO MASQUERADE AS CANDY AGAIN!!!!!!!!! DO NOT BE FOOLED!!!!!!!!! CORN CAN NEVER BE CANDY AND IT WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU IF YOU EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH IT WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T EAT IT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!
5. BALLACK AND LAMPARD HOLDING HANDS -- I DON'T CARE IF YOU USED TO BE TEAMMATES YOU NEVER HOLD HANDS WITH AN OPPONENT!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!! THE ONLY TIME IT IS ACCEPTABLE IS WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO HOLD THEM SO YOU CAN ZAP THEM WITH A CATTLE PROD UNTIL THEY START SPEAKING SPANISH!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH IF THEY ALREADY SPEAK SPANISH ANYWAY IT USUALLY DOESN'T TAKE THAT LONG!!!!!!!!!
6. JOE COLE SINGING FOR HIS NEW TEAMMATES -- WHEN I JOINED FIORENTINA I THOUGHT THEY WOULD HAZE ME BY MAKING ME SING TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS WHILE FIGHTING A DOG THAT WAS HIGH ON PCP!!!!!!!!! IT TURNS OUT THEY DIDN'T BUT I DID BOTH OF THOSE THINGS ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE IT WAS THURSDAY AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DO ON THURSDAYS!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH STOP JUDGING ME!!!!!!!!
7. RONALDO THINKING HE GETS WHISTLED FOR BEING RICH HANDSOME AND TALENTED -- WRONG!!!!!!!! PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU ACT LIKE AN ASSJACKET!!!!!!!!!! DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!
8. CJ SAPONG'S LOVE POEM FOR HOPE SOLO -- NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! HOPE SOLO AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE GIANT GOALKEEPER BABIES THAT ARE FILLED WITH RAGE AND JELLIES!!!!!!!!! FIND ANOTHER FEMALE FOOTBALLER TO BE AWKWARD AROUND CJ SAPONG!!!!!!!!!! ONLY I CAN BE AWKWARD AROUND HOPE SOLO!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO RIGHT AFTER I BURNED THE HAIR OFF THE SIDES OF MY HEAD I WENT OUTSIDE TO STARE AT THE SUN JUST BECAUSE I ENJOY DOING THAT SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!! AND BY SOMETIMES I MEAN ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!! WHILE I WAS STARING MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI'S TWO GOOBER KIDS CAME OVER AND TOLD ME MY HEAD WAS SMOKING!!!!!!!!! I SAID "THANK YOU FOR INFORMING ME OF THAT!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT THIS WAS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES THAT I WAS ACTUALLY AWARE THAT MY HEAD WAS SMOKING AND THEY THEY BOTH SMELL LIKE CHEESE AND DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOBER KIDS THEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK SO WE PLAYED HIDE AND SEEK UNTIL AFTER IT GOT DARK AND IT WAS MORE FUN THAN YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THEY BOTH HIDE IN AN OIL DRUM THAT SOMEHOW GETS LAUNCHED INTO AN INACTIVE VOLCANO NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: ACF Fiorentina
Source: http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/Artur-Boruc-s-Friday-Rage-List?urn=sow-wp4970
אין תגובות:
הוסף רשומת תגובה