Wayne Rooney
Goals. ... Meat. ... Hair. ... I bet Kai is doing something way better than this right now. ... Like kicking a watermelon or drooling on something. ... Can't wait to do both of those things. ... Goals. ... Meat. ... Hair. ... So bored. ... Can't believe they didn't give my character in FIFA 12 the ability to decapitate people and then sit on their severed heads like I asked. ... Never working with them again. ... Goals. ... Meat. ... Hair. ... Pretty sure the person talking just said the word "nugget"...
Gianluca Zambrotta
This might be the only way to stop Messi. ... Feel my putrid breeze, Messi! Feel it! ... Oh no. ... The wind must be blowing in the wrong direction, because I can smell it, but he's still going. ... This is bad. ... It smells awful. ... Passing out. ... Oh God, this has all gone horribly wrong...
Kolo Toure
Diet pills are much better than whatever is happening to me right now...
Didier Drogba
Time for the disgraces. ... First, I can't play against Manchester United because of my stupid concussion. That's a brain-damaging f***ing disgrace. ... Then, my cat, Kitier Katba, sat on my head with his morbidly obese body even though I specifically told him that would be bad for my recovery. That's a spiteful f***ing disgrace. ... Then Kalou came over and did the same thing just because he's unoriginal and annoying. That's a typical Kalou f***ing disgrace. ... Then he asked me if I had any premade sandwiches like I go around making sandwiches just to have in case you happens to come over uninvited. That's a presumptuous f***ing disgrace. ... Then, I finally remembered those times that those referees cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...
Photos: Reuters, AP
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