AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. FUN IN THE POOL -- MY NOODLE RAFT HAS FAILED ITS SEA TEST MISERABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MISERABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS PLANNING ON FLOATING AROUND THE WORLD ON THESE NOODLES BUT NOW MY DREAM IS SHATTERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. CHELSEA PLAYERS FORMING A BAND -- I TRIED TO DO THIS WITH SEVERAL OF MY FIORENTINA TEAMMATES BUT WE HAD SEVERE CREATIVE DIFFERENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANTED TO BE A TAYLOR SWIFT SPEED METAL COVER BAND BUT ALBERTO GILARDINO WANTED TO DO WHAM! SONGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WAS UNACCEPTABLE SO I TRIED TO DECAPITATE HIM WITH A CYMBAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH IT DIDN'T WORK AS WELL AS I HOPED IT WOULD!!!!!!!!!!!
3. THE MESSI PUPPET -- THIS THING IS HORRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NEVER LIKED PUPPETS SINCE THE TIME I WENT TO A PUPPET SHOW LAST YEAR AND VOMITED OUT OF SHEER BOREDOM!!!!! SOME SAY THAT DRINKING A TWO LITER BOTTLE OF PAINT THINNER HAD MORE TO DO WITH MY VOMITING THAN THE BOREDOM BUT THOSE PEOPLE ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!!! THEY ALSO SMELL LIKE POTATOES AND FEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- SOMEONE PUT AN EAR OF CORN ON MY DOORSTEP!!!!!!!!! EITHER THAT OR THE CORN HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!!!!!!!!! IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN OUR CHANCES OF SURVIVAL ARE NOW DOWN FROM 0 TO -77 PERCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. JAPANESE SNEAK ATTACK GOAL -- OHMYGOD THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I HOLD SHARP KNIVES AND SWING MY ARMS BEFORE EVERY GOAL KICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYONE WHO TRIES TO SNEAK ATTACK ME IS GETTING A FOREHEAD FULL OF BLADE!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH UNLESS I MISS THEM AND STAB MYSELF LIKE I USUALLY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. BARCELONA SWIMMING WITH THE DOLPHINS -- I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN TEACH THEM TO BE SOULLESS KILLING MACHINES THAT WOULD SOONER PUT YOU IN A COMA THAN LET YOU HOLD THEIR FIN AND RIDE THEM LIKE A WATER TAXI!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHY I'M BANNED FROM SEA WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. CHINESE INTER FANS BEATING A CHINESE MILAN FAN -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO GO TO CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. MONGOOSES -- I LIKE MONGOOSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY WON'T THE INTERNET SELL ME A MONGOOSE?!?!??!?!!?
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- I DIDN'T SEE DAN THIS WEEK BUT I WAS SUBJECT TO 55 HORRIBLE MINUTES WITH HIS TWO GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WANTED TO WATCH THE FIRST EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE IN FLORENCE ON MY GIANT TELEVISION WITH THE SPECIAL SATELLITE THAT GETS NETWORKS FROM AMERICA AND ALIEN MESSAGES FROM OUTER SPACE!!!!!!!!!! SO WE WATCHED IT!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE PAULY D KISSED DEENA!!!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER IT WAS OVER THE GOOBER KIDS SAID THEY WOULD COME BACK NEXT WEEK TO WATCH THE SECOND EPISODE BUT SINCE I WOULD RATHER EAT A POOL NOODLE THAN SPEND ANOTHER HOUR WITH THEM, I JUST RIPPED THE TV OFF THE WALL AND GAVE IT TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY SAID "THANK YOU" AND I SAID "YOU'RE VERY WELCOME!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT I HATE THEM MORE THAN THE SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THEY DEVELOP EYE PROBLEMS FROM WATCHING SUCH A GIANT TELEVISION SET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Source: http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/Artur-Boruc-s-Friday-Rage-List?urn=sow-wp3924
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