AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. WELL HELLO THERE -- I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I JUST FELT LIKE SAYING THAT!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I SUDDENLY HAVE THE URGE TO MAKE BIZARRELY SEXUAL ADVANCES TO ANYONE WHO STANDS IN MY LINE OF VISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A STRANGE AND UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. RAPINOE CELEBRATING A GOAL BY SINGING SPRINGSTEEN -- SHE TOTALLY MISSED THE POINT OF THE SONG!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO "BORN IN THE USA" IS A TERRIBLE SONG TO USE IN A GOAL CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOU SHOULD ONLY SING "FIFTEEN" BY TAYLOR SWIFT AFTER SCORING A GOAL!!!!!!!!!! EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. BRAZIL'S COPA AMERICA HAIRDOS -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?? ONE TIME I TRIED TO CUT MY HAIR WITH A LAWN MOWER AND IT PRODUCED A SIMILAR RESULT!!!!!!!!!! EXCEPT THERE WAS A LOT MORE BLOOD WHEN I DID THAT AND SEVERAL OF MY TEAMMATES TRIED TO TAKE ME TO A HOSPITAL AFTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD THEM THAT THEY DON'T HAVE HAIR STRAIGHTENERS AT HOSPITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE YOU CORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. OWEN HARGREAVES TRAINING VIDEOS -- WHY DOES YOUTUBE LET HIM POST THESE BORING VIDEOS BUT REMOVE ALL OF MY TRAINING VIDEOS FOR VIOLATING THEIR FASCIST CONTENT RESTRICTIONS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? SETTING YOURSELF ON FIRE AND FIGHTING AN ANGRY MOUNTAIN LION IS A VALUABLE TRAINING EXERCISE THAT EVERYONE SHOULD SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. GARY MEDEL SQUEEZING DOS SANTOS IN HIS PRIVATE AREA -- WHAT KIND OF TWISTED PERSON DOES THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? IF AN OPPONENT EVER SQUEEZES MY JUNK DURING A GAME HE WILL GET HIS HEAD STAPLED!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YES I DO CARRY A STAPLER ON THE PITCH WITH ME AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMETIMES I HAVE DOWNTIME DURING MATCHES AND I LIKE TO COLLATE MY PAPERS!!!!!!!!!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. ERIC CANTONA AS A MOVIE COP -- I WANT TO DO THIS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT ME AND CANTONA IN A MOVIE TOGETHER SO WE CAN BEAT UP INNOCENT PEOPLE AND POINT GUNS AT THE CORN BEFORE IT RISES UP AND ENSLAVES US ALL!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE THE CORN SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. BLEEDING MEXICO U-17'S OVERHEAD WINNER -- THIS WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT JUST MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT AFTER DREAMING OF HAVING A MASSIVE HEAD WOUND AND SCORING A MATCH WINNER IT WAS SOME PUNK KID WHO DID IT INSTEAD OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY HEAD BLEEDS ALL THE TIME I JUST NEED TO START SCORING GOALS WHILE IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWKSI -- SO WHILE I WAS STILL IN ZURICH WITH MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND HIS TWO GOOBER KIDS I DECIDED TO RUN AWAY FROM THEIR BORING SIGHT-SEEING TOUR AND CARRY OUT MY INVASION ON FIFA HEADQUARTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS SO FURIOUS OVER ALL THE AWFUL THINGS THEY DO THAT I NEEDED NOTHING MORE THAN MY BARE HANDS AND BARE FOREHEAD TO DESTROY ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN THAT BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SPRINTED RIGHT THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW NEXT TO THE DOOR AND DEMANDED TO SEE SEPP BLATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE RECEPTIONIST SAID HE WASN'T IN AND ASKED WHAT MY BUSINESS WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD HIM MY BUSINESS WAS "GOALKEEPING" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I ONLY DO THAT TO SUPPORT MY VOLUNTEER WORK AS A CRIME FIGHTER AND CORN DESTROYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE RECEPTIONIST SAID HE WOULD TELL MR. BLATTER THAT I CAME BY AND THEN LOOKED AT ME LIKE HE WANTED ME TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SEEMED LIKE A NICE ENOUGH GUY SO I DECIDED TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT ON MY WAY OUT I DID SPRINT THROUGH ANOTHER WINDOW INSTEAD OF THE ONE I ALREADY BROKE SO TAKE THAT FIFA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TWO BROKEN WINDOWS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T MESS WITH FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: Gala
Source: http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/Artur-Boruc-s-Friday-Rage-List?urn=sow-wp3129
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