AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. STOP LOOKING AT ME -- IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A PORCUPINE I AM GOING TO PUNCH THE SUN IN THE ADAM'S APPLE!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE A PORCUPINE!!!!!!! I DID THAT ON PURPOSE SO TALKING ABOUT IT AND SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY NECK TATTOO!!!!!!!!!! SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. SHAKHTAR MANAGER GIVING FLOWERS TO A LINESWOMAN -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH ONE TIME I GAVE FLOWERS TO A REFEREE AND THEY TURNED OUT TO BE POISON IVY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE GOT A RASH ALL OVER HIS BODY!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE JEALOUS OF ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. MARCO FABIAN'S EXECUTION CELEBRATION -- THIS WAS HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH HE DIDN'T EVEN USE A REAL GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- I SAW SOMETHING YELLOW STANDING BEHIND ME WITH A KNIFE YESTERDAY AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A CORN ASSASSIN!!!!!!!!!!!! IT TURNED OUT IT WAS JUST A MAN IN A YELLOW SHIRT HOLDING A KNIFE AND TALKING ABOUT JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CORN IS LURKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. MARIO BALOTELLI HOSTING MAN CITY'S CHRISTMAS PARTY -- THAT'S ALL FINE AND GOOD BUT I AM HOSTING FIORENTINA'S CHRISTMAS PARTY AND THERE IS NO WAY HIS WILL BE BETTER THAN MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO HAVE FIRE AND RABIES AND ALL THE PAINT THINNER YOU CAN DRINK AND TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS PLAYING ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WILL BE THE GREATEST PARTY SINCE THE TIME I FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET THE MICROWAVE TO WORK WITH THE DOOR STILL OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. PENALTY KICK PROTEST -- THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROTEST A PENALTY KICK!!!!!!!!!!!! IF THIS HAD BEEN ME I WOULD HAVE DONE SPIN KICKS UNTIL THE REFEREE GOT SCARED AND CANCELED FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!! NOT JUST THAT ONE MATCH BUT ALL OF FOOTBALL FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS HOW YOU PROTEST SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!! WITH SPIN KICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. PEPE REINA BITING PEOPLE -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP COPYING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. PULLING DOWN AN OPPONENT'S SHORTS -- WHO DOES THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??! WHO DOES THISSSSSSSSS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HAD I KNOWN THIS WAS A THREAT ON THE PITCH I WOULD HAVE STARTED WEARING SUSPENDERS WITH MY KIT A LONG TIME AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I WONDER WHERE GALLAGHER USED TO BUY THOSE RAINBOW SUSPENDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT THEM SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS COVERED IN TIN FOIL AND RUNNING MY MICROWAVE WITH THE DOOR OPEN SO I COULD ACQUIRE SUPERPOWERS WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKWOSKI CAME OVER WITH HIS TWO GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY STARTED LAUGHING AT MY TIN FOIL SUIT SO I TOLD THEM TO STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO INVITE ME TO THEIR HALLOWEEN PARTY AND ASKED IF I COULD MAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD THEM I WOULD BE ABLE TO ATTEND AND COULDN'T WAIT TO DO SO BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT I WOULD'VE USED MY LASER EYES TO MELT THEM INTO A PUDDLE OF GOOBER KID GOO HAD MY ATTEMPT TO GAIN SUPERPOWERS ACTUALLY WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IT DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!! SO INSTEAD I JUST TALKED ABOUT THE WEATHER AND ACTED AWKWARD UNTIL THEY FINALLY WENT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THIS MICROWAVE THING DOESN'T MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
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