Arsene Wenger
Yes. Yes! Everything's coming up Arsene. ... We've won three matches in a row across three different competitions, Jack Wilshere had a baby that I will probably sign by the end of the day and I haven't had the urge to throw a water bottle in about an hour. ... This is what heaven must feel like. It doesn't get better than this. ... I'm even...I'm even frowning upside down! This is glorious! ... Hahaha! Arsene's days of smearing lipstick around my face and getting snake bites just to feel are over! ... This is a new dawn! I am reborn! The trophies will be mine! I'm going to beat a hobo with his own shoe! ... I still miss Cesc though...
Roman Weidenfeller
GET TO THE CHOPPAH
Edin Dzeko
Alright, you set the bar pretty high, Carlos. ... I admit it. ... Refusing to play is tough to beat, but I can do it. ... I am the Dzeko Destroyer. I can meet any challenge! ... Wow, I need to get "Dzeko Destroyer" on a T-shirt. That's more valuable than moon rocks and bananas. ... Anyway, the challenge. ... Maybe I should call the gaffer late at night and tell him I will only play if the club gives me a robot that can shoot maple syrup at people I don't like? ... No, they can probably do that. ... Hmm maybe I'll convince Kun Aguero that smells like BO even when he showers and give him a complex about it that prevents him from scoring? ... No, he always smells like apple sauce and he probably knows it. ... Whatever. ... I'll just shave Mancini's head and get UEFA to make their financial fair play rules be as stringent as possible...
Didier Drogba
Time for the disgraces. ... First, I scored a goal in my first match back from being almost dead for half an hour and all everyone could talk about was how Frank Lampard left the bench early. That's an overblown f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kalou ruined the match against Valencia with his handball and all he said was "Oops. My bad." That is now an apology! But it is a childish f***ing disgrace! ... Then, I accidentally called Andre Villas-Boas "Carlo" and he didn't notice but I did feel bad about it. That was a regrettable f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kalou told me a story about his stupid cat, Katou, and flecks of his spit kept hitting me in the face the whole time he talked. That's a disgusting f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those referees who probably destabilize the Ivory Coast just to mess with me cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...
Photos: Reuters, AP
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