After going AWOL and sneaking back to Argentina without clearing it with Manchester City first, Carlos Tevez made his situation with the club even worse. Now that he's missed a disciplinary hearing and tried to excuse his absence with a doctor's note like a truant school kid, his intentions have become clear, seemingly to everyone except Man City. The following is a transcript of Roberto Mancini's latest attempt to contact Tevez.
Tevez: Hello?
Mancini: Carlos, It's Roberto.
Tevez: Oh poop. I was hoping it was Mancini the Brazilian who used to play for Roma. Whatever happened to that guy?
Mancini: I think he went back to Brazil. Anyway, that's not why I'm calling. When will you be coming back Carlos?
Tevez: Hahahahaha!
Mancini: What's so funny?
Tevez: That you still think I might come back.
Mancini: You have an obligation to this club, Carlos. You must return. Or your punishment will be much, much worse.
Tevez: Dude, I don't care. How do you not get that?
Mancini: But-
Tevez: No. No buts. I just don't care anymore. That should be clear by now.
Mancini: Are you sure this is how you feel?
Tevez: Yep. Don't care.
Mancini: But...the doctor's note?
Tevez: My daughter wrote it for one of her dolls. I just crossed out the name Pixiefeather and put in my own.
Mancini: Oh.
Tevez: Yeah. And don't bother sending Balotelli here to try and change my mind with his hobos and his house fires again. I'm carrying a fire extinguisher on me at all times, so that's not going to work.
Mancini: Do you?
Tevez: Yeah, it...wait, it looks like a meteor is falling from the sky.
Mancini: Really? I don't think that's a meteor.
Tevez: How would you know? Oh God, it's coming right at me! That's not a meteor! That's not a meteor!!!
[Tevez's phone goes dead.]
Mancini: De Jong'd!
Photos: AP
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